You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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