Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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