I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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