Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
