Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
