i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
