I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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