Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
