Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
