If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she smelled like a LAN party
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
