Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
