My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
