I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
