If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
