i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
