dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your cock deserves a montage
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
