the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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