Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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