smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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