Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
