It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
