So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
