I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
