he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I touched a dick in church today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
