Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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