Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
