Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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