i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
