Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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