Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
