I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
