Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
