is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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