We won't sleep together?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
