Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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