don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
