If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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