By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
