dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
