I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
