We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
