his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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