I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
