Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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