So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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