I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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