My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
