I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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