I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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