i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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