So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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