You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
