I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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