Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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