just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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