I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
