She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
