her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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