I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
