I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize