I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
